Part 1: Can Caregivers And Family Go Too Far? Privacy Issues
It’s challenging at best for parents and senior loved ones to get the care they require. Worse, it’ can often become quite concerning when the adult child finds out that dad or mom is no longer capable of taking care of their own finances. Worse yet, where is the line drawn? When do you step in and take over and how?
A Common Issue
A daughter goes to the mailbox and finds that there is a letter, stamped “Fourth notice” in red. She hands it to her father who reads it and takes a deep breath. It’s happened again. Her mother swears that since her diagnosis of a terminal medical condition she’s been managing her finances and paying the bills.
However, as the daughter views the mail, it’s abundantly clear that this isn’t what is happening at all.
How do you react? What do you do? The mother swears she paid it. Retrieving another letter from the pile and opening it there is a check filled out that was mailed to the incorrect recipient. It is this check that needed to go to the fourth notice.
Crossing The Line
Naturally, there is a huge concern here. However, if you demand taking it all over, there is going to be a huge discussion, embarrassment, and it’s insulting to the adult who is terminally ill.
So how should it be handled? Instead of telling the person that they’re no longer able to do their own finances, it’s strongly suggested to invite the person to use a third party trusted accountant to lighten the load until they’re feeling better. This gives them hope that they will be able to take things back on at a later date. This is in the book “Memories In Dragonflies: Simple Lessons For Mindful Dying”.
By making this change a temporary change, the person has hope that they can again, once their condition is resolved, take their responsibilities back. It gives them hope. It avoids argument, and it resolves the issue.
Frequently adult children are faced with such decisions. They must find a way to help their parents without rocking the boat. It’s rather like examining clues at a crime scene without pointing a finger.
However, it must be done delicately. It must be done without causing tension or raising the defensiveness of the person in question. Safety and security are important and the person’s wellbeing is also important.
If a person feels threatened they are going to become very defensive and this needs to be avoided at all costs. According to “Role Reversal” How To Take Care Of Yourself And Your Aging Parents’ it’s vital to learn how to pick and choose battles.
Should you have a loved one that needs the proper attention, or have any questions about care, we at Assisting Hands are here to help; call or contact us immediately to help your loved ones today. Click here to continue to the second article in this series.
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